As another year winds down, many of us will reflect on what we've experienced and learned over the course of the ending year and will ponder what's to come as the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve.  Some will resolve to make changes that will, hopefully, contribute to a good year.  I'm no different. This time of year makes me reflect on life more than usual. For me, Christmas gets that train rollin. And in case your curious, here's my 2014 life assessment. Maybe you'll be able to relate. 

2014 had a theme for me: Bittersweet. Now I realize bittersweet is pretty much life as a whole, but this year was the perfect example. I took some "nasty falls" this year. But I believe that there were lessons attached to them. 

I've had a business in direct sales since 1999. I love my business, the people I meet, the way I get to make others feel, and yes, the money is nice (and necessary) as well. Over the years, I've earned free cars with my company. Six of them. Pretty sweet for a part time gig! Being a high achiever (where was that part of me in high school?), I earned a leadership position in my company in 2009 where I mentored others to get out of their businesses what they wanted. I enjoyed that position. Then I didn't. I stepped down from my position in September. Some of that was choice. Some was productivity. More hard work was needed to maintain that position, by me and my team. It didn't happen that way. So I kind of lost my job. I also stepped out of a free car. These changes stung. Made me question my worth. I've always loved this business (and still do) so why would I not be performing better? The answer, I believe, was passion, or lack thereof. I lost it. I'm not good at going through the motions. It bores me. Then I don't perform. This is in any area of my life. I've always known that to some degree, but this year it was crystallized. I'm still active in my business, still love the business, my customers, many of the folks I get to work with. I just needed another outlet as well. Something more creative. I've always enjoyed talking to people, hearing their stories. I've loved photography for years.  Then I saw HONY (Humans of New York) and was inspired. That was like something I had wanted to do for so long. Michelle was in a similar boat as me, with variations. We got together to talk about life and how to fill this creative void we both were feeling. I brought up the aforementioned. She loved it too, but we wanted a variation, not a duplication of what HONY was doing. Fast forward, One, Unified was born. Bitter. Sweet. 

Having lost a full time gig, naturally money was lost too. Again, I questioned my worth (in more ways than one). As many of you may know, this can make for a lot of depression and anxiety. Money isn't everything. Money doesn't buy happiness. Money is the root of all evil. But, dammit, we need money to survive. I wasn't pulling my weight. More pressure is on my already hard working husband. We have a kid going to college in the fall. While this problem is yet to be a thing of the past, and as I work to get my business back up to the well oiled machine it once was (with or without the leadership position), we struggle a bit. But I was blown away by the people that came through for us this year. I'm not saying our bills were payed off, gifts were bought for us, college is now paid for, but smaller (I didn't say small) things. Tickets to a concert I/we really wanted to attend. Paying our way so we could enjoy a night out we may not have been able to swing otherwise. Some side work to earn some extra cash when we were really strapped. Understanding and compassion when it was toughest. Some of these friends are people we've known for a long time. Some are people we've only been friends with for a few years. It touches my heart and makes me feel so rich to have people like this in my life. Bitter. Sweet. 

Unfortunately, knowing many people, there's a flip side to that last paragraph and bound to be a little drama. I'm not a fan. Sadly, I've learned things about people this year that was disappointing. I learned that not everyone can be taken at face value. I'm a very honest, sometimes brutally honest, person. You never have to wonder if I'm telling the truth. If the words are coming out of my mouth, it's true. I'm not saying that to toot my own horn, it's just who I am, how I was raised. So I expect the same in return. It just doesn't always work out that way and it's a little heartbreaking when you learn that someone you thought you could trust, you may not be able to. So I've adopted a policy (and this isn't really that new, I've practiced it in the past) to just accept people for what they are. Know that they're doing their best or what they think is their best, but that I don't have to put myself in their space more than necessary. There are true blue friends, fair weather friends, good time friends, and acquaintances. There's people that don't want to be friends, people I choose not to associate with as well. This is a lesson it's taken some time to learn. In years past, I agonized over this. Trying to get everyone to like me. Getting upset every time I was disappointed. I still get upset, but not in the obsessive way I used to. It's a 2014 miracle! But more than likely it's just an age thing. Bitter. Sweet. 

This was a tough year, but I realize not as tough as many others had. (I've had those years too.) But I'm ever grateful for the lessons I was lucky enough to be here to learn. I'm blessed, beyond words, to have a hard working, loving husband that is completely supportive (possibly too supportive for his own good sometimes). I have a funny, intelligent, empathetic, socially aware, caring son that was just accepted into Penn State Abington. No one in my family attended college, so this is kind of a big deal. I'm lucky to have my parents still with me. My sister and nephews and a wonderful extended family. Not to mention a whole other family of friends that are there on a dime when needed. My late uncle Eddie was a very wise man that gave me invaluable guidance and advice till he passed in 2010. He told me all the time, "You can't control EVERYTHING Noelle", as I tend to try to do. I've heard this in my head more this year than in years past and I'm grateful for it. It's rather freeing. 

My goals (or resolutions if you will) for the future, 2015 and beyond? Yes, I have the get healthier mantra so many people resolve to do. It really is important. But mostly I want to squeeze every ounce out of life. To be present in my life. To make good memories with the people that are important to me. To try, no matter what, to find a positive in every situation and person. To continue to earn the right to be called someone's friend. To be the best version of me as I can possibly be. 

I write this realizing just how thankful I am, despite any worries I carry about my future, and there are definitely worries. Grateful for those family and friends mentioned earlier. And I'm grateful for YOU, the reader and the wonderful people that have shared themselves with us (and you). This has been such a wonderful experience and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to share it with someone. We all do have a common thread and truly are one, unified. 

Another year is drawing to a close. I don't know if it's me getting older or just my imagination, but it seems that each one goes faster than the last. The ushering in of a new year can be different for everyone. For me, I look at it as a good time to reflect. It's a good time to decide what needs changing, to plan, to resolve to do better. And even though it's just a day on the calendar, it can be scary, happy, sad, exciting, and a slew of other things all rolled into one. This year as I say goodbye to the outgoing year, as I reflect on 2014 laid out behind me, I have one main feeling moving forward--- hope. This hope that I have for the coming year is replacing the most prevalent feeling of 2014 for me--- doubt. 

The past year has brought me a lot of the same old, same old... the kid's baseball and softball games, family dinners, Sunday football games, homework, holidays, and the day to day grind that is the life of mother of three. This year I stopped blogging, lightened the load on my freelance work and got more involved in charitable projects and my personal writing. I started running. In May I completed Muderella with some of the fiercest women I know. That was something I never thought I would do. I finally finished the two half-written children's manuscripts that were lurking around forever. Sure they're still collecting dust, but at least they are complete! I even got another few chapters done in the never-ending novel. So, in many ways it was a year of staying still, but also of moving forward (figuratively and literally).

It was a challenging year. It was not, to put it nicely, one of my favorites. It actually started out strong. It was a year of the unexpected! At the beginning of the year I was happy and full of a renewed sense of purpose and joy. I was looking forward to a year full of changes and challenges that, although scary, I was ready to meet head-on. But, as they say, 'the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry' (read as: shit happens, roll with it). The changes and challenges of a promising new year quickly became, like many years before it, one of loss, sadness and yes, pain. I spent more time in 2014 in pain than I have cared to admit, but now I guess it's the time. 

Very few people are happy all of the time. No matter how blessed we are, sometimes it is hard to be the perky, smiling one. It is hard to be the always optimistic, ever-grateful one. And it's even harder to admit when you are not feeling those things, because that is what people have come to expect of you. And when you have been blessed as I have been, with a wonderful family and friends, a roof over my head, food on my table, and very few of the real-life worries that so many must deal with every day, it seems selfish to even admit that there are days when you are just not feeling it. But, I am admitting it. This year I wallowed. I swam in a sea of questions, and confusion, and doubt for a good long while. I questioned my place, my purpose, my life. Most who know me, probably never even realized. And never being one to let my negative emotions show, I wanted to quickly get myself together, move on, and finish out the year strong. I tried my best to pick up the pieces, dust myself off, and jump head first into the rest of my life. I finally got the ball rolling on the business I had started several months prior. I started this site (along with my friend and partner in crime, Noelle). I started making decisions about the next chapter(s) of my life and who and what belonged with me on my journey. With my children to motivate me and to guide my choices as they always do, I pulled it together. Yes, I still have unanswered questions about my path. Yes, there is still an element of the unknown surrounding me in some places. Yes, there are still a lot of choices to be made and things I would like to do. But, there is hope. 

Luckily for me, this is exactly what a brand new year is for! Each new year, a new beginning. Although the year did not finish quite as I had thought or hoped that it would, I did learn a lot of things along the way this year! I learned that you have to walk in your own truth, no matter what that is. You can only be yourself. It is the only way that the right people will come into your life and stay there! And if they walk out, well, it is their loss... perhaps their role in your life was over, or maybe they were never meant to be there in the first place! I also learned that not everyone will be who and what you want them to be. This is okay. I learned that sometimes no matter how much you believe in someone, no matter how much faith you have in them and in what they are capable of, if they don't share that belief, you can not make them. You can try. But more often than not, there will come a moment when you will have to walk away- no matter how much it hurts you. I have learned that some people will judge you by your past- by things you have said and done long, long ago, and by the mistakes you have made, even if you are a changed person. Let them. Their judgments can not hurt you (refer back to walking in your own truth). You are not the mistakes you have made and you should only concern yourself with those who understand that and who see you for who and what you are now! I have also learned, and listen to me closely, that it is never too late to change the road you are on! It's never too late to create a new beginning! And no one is too broken to be fixed! You just have to be brave and take the risks. Some people are not that brave. I hope to be that brave! 

If I had to make goals for the coming year (I am always reluctant to call them resolutions) there would only be a few. One would be to get to know myself better. It's easy to lose sight of who you are when your whole existence hinges on the existence of others. And that ties into my other goal, to say 'no' when I have had enough, to ask for help when I need help, and to understand that I can only control my own stuff. I don't have to be everything to everyone. I don't have to make the best chocolate mousse in the world. It's okay to just make a good chocolate mousse. I don't have to volunteer for every school party and function. It's okay to make it to a few and let the others go. People who love me, people who respect and care about me, they will do so whether I make them cookies or not. It's wonderful to be thoughtful, but it's also important to think of your own needs too. In the coming year I am going to try, for the first time in as long as I can remember, to balance my own needs with the needs of others. I hope that I am successful. 

This year I will have hope in all things. I will hope because sometimes that is what gets you through- looking forward- even when you are unsure. There's a line from one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, that says: hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. Things may not always be exactly what you wanted or how you wanted them, but if you live in hope, you can get through the days knowing, believing that someday they will be. In this I truly believe, I truly hope.

I wish every one of you joy, peace, health, happiness, and yes, hope in the coming year.
Happy New Year!
~Michelle 
  xoxoxox

ARE YOU FROM THIS AREA?
“No. I’m from Atlanta.”

HERE ON BUSINESS OR PLEASURE?
“Pleasure. Here for a week with my sisters.”

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME HERE?
“No. My sisters and I come out two or three times a year. We’ve been coming since ’06.”

HOW DID THAT TRADITION START”
"We came for my older sister’s 40th birthday in December of ’06. We had so much fun that we planned a trip for the following spring. After that we thought it’d make a nice sisters getaway and planned to do it every year, but we kept getting these flight deals and room offers and stuff, so we started coming every winter and every spring. Last year we came out 3 times”

DO YOU DO A LOT OF GAMBLING?
“I don’t know if I’d say ‘a lot’, but I do my fair share. My younger sister is much worse than I am though. I start saving my pennies up about 3 months before the trip and bring out a set amount for gambling only.”

DO YOU STICK TO THAT AMOUNT?
“Not as often as I should, no. I mean, I’m not pawning my ring or anything (laughs and holds up wedding band set), but I’ve hit the ATM a bunch of times when I’ve gone through what I had allotted for gambling money.”

HAVE YOU EVER MADE A RESOLUTION TO TRY TO GIVE IT UP?
“Not really. I mean, I’ve said, ‘oh I’m going to definitely stay within the set amount this time’ about a dozen times, but I have never said, ‘I’m going to give up gambling for my New Year’s resolution’, no.”

DO YOU EVER MAKE ANY RESOLUTIONS?
“Oh yeah. I’ve made the resolution to quit smoking at least a dozen times too. And I’ve made resolutions to go to the gym, give up sweets, take up running, cut back on how much coffee I drink, a bunch of them every year pretty much.”

DO YOU STICK TO THEM, I MEAN OBVIOUSLY NOT THE SMOKING ONE, BUT IN GENERAL?
“Not really. I’ve stuck to some longer than others. The smoking one never seems to last but I try it every year. I made a resolution to go to the gym last year and I did join and I was going like 3 or 4 times a week for a while, like maybe 6 months or so. Now, I go less often but I still go when I can, which I guess means when I feel like it.”

DO YOU HAVE ONE IN MIND FOR THE COMING NEW YEAR?
“I haven’t really thought much about it yet. I guess it’s time. I don’t know. I think I will probably try to quit smoking again.”

DO YOU THINK YOU’LL STICK TO IT?
“No. But, it’s nice to try, right? I mean what do they say? Every cigrarette takes 7 minutes off of your life? So even if I give it up for 3 days that’s like 60 cigarettes. So that’s like giving myself an extra, what, like 420 minutes. That’s better than nothing.”

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THIS NEW YEARS?
“We all have kids. Mine are teenagers now but I don't really like them going out on New Year’s Eve, so we alternate house parties every year. My older sister, the one who started the whole Vegas tradition, it’s her year. Our kids all invite friends over and hang out and listen to music in the family room downstairs and the adults have drinks and talk and play cards sometimes, and watch the ball drop at Times Square. We live an exciting life. Maybe when the kids are all out we can make one of our Vegas trips a New year’s trip. I bet it’s crazy here on New Year’s Eve. That’d be fun!”

WHAT DO YOU DO?
AND HOW DID YOU GET INTO THAT FIELD?
"I don't call myself a Personal Trainer but rather a 'Fitness Professional'. 
I teach people of all ages, with various goals and backgrounds, how to achieve their desired goals in the most effective plan and execution. I always played sports, since I was 7 years old, and even as a kid I became a leader on my teams because I loved to teach. I carried this attitude into the U.S. Army. 


I eventually became the Physical Training Officer, where my program spread to an entire aviation battalion. After that I knew my purpose was to help the world with fitness and health."

DID YOU REQUIRE SPECIFIC TRAINING?
"Yes it does require specific training. There are too many "personal trainers" who take the easiest route to work at a local fitness club or to freelance. Some are not even certified. There are also many trainers like myself who take the tougher route because we are simply curious about knowing everything. I graduated from the National Personal Training Institute which required 500 hours of practical training along with multiple written and oral exams. After that, I earned my CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) which is the gold standard of certifications. I earned my Masters Degree in Exercise Science in 2012 and I continue to study and have multiple certifications."
    
DO YOU TEND TO SEE MORE "TRAFFIC" THIS TIME OF YEAR, AROUND THE NEW YEAR?
"I always see more gym traffic at the New Year. People mentally see it as a fresh start. Some studies have shown a 33-50% gym membership increase in the 2nd week of January. However 80% of those people fade away by the 2nd week of February."

BEING IN LOS ANGELES WHERE PEOPLE MAY BE MORE IN TUNE WITH APPEARANCES THAN OTHER PLACES, DO YOU SEE A DIFFERENCE IN THE CLIENTELE AND COMMITMENT THAN YOU'VE SEEN ELSEWHERE?
"Los Angeles is a very big difference than Philadelphia for example. I have a steady clientele throughout the year in Los Angeles because for one reason, the weather is warmer. I would say about 90% of my clients are very committed as I have had some of the same clients for a few years now. There are also many more people with higher income in my area of Los Angeles which also helps. I had to aim for a very specific niche of clients in Philadelphia in order have steady clients which made it more difficult. It is December and 72 degrees out today and I already have two new people contacting me."

WHO ARE SOME OF THE MORE WEE KNOWN CLIENTS YOU HAVE WORKED WITH?
"I am now working with 5 Playboy Bunnies including 2014 Playmate of the Year Kennedy Summers. I have also trained Jeremy Jackson from Baywatch, Loni Willison (Fitness Model), Hayley Hasselhoff, Kevin Dees (Son of Rick Dees), Thor Bradwell (Hollywood agent to Taylor Lautner), a few ladies from the 'Housewives' shows, and more. I have many "behind the scenes" clients such as the producer of The Doctors show and a major Hollywood Movie Editor for 'Trailers'. Universal Pictures also hired me to train the up and coming young stars. There are a few other celebrities that I can not discuss. In 2010, I was a trainer for an auction in Malibu for charity which included stars such as Dick Van Dyke. I also work for the prestigious Jonathan Club. I am not allowed to discuss the celebrities who are members. Of all the high profile clients that I have ever trained, I am even more proud to have trained hundreds of U.S. Army soldiers and to teach hundreds of fitness students from 3 different universities."

WHAT IS YOUR BEST TIP FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO STICK WITH A NEW AND HEALTHY LIFESTYLE FOR THE NEW YEAR?
"Fitness is your health and your health is a lifestyle. Don't just exercise for weight loss. Fat loss is mostly diet and exercise helps to aid in fat loss but is mostly designed to improve movement. Focus on improving your movement and performance because it will help you stay on track. Choose short term goals such as improving push-ups and distance on treadmill. If your performance improves it should lead to fat loss. Weight loss begins at the supermarket. Also, your body does not like excuses. It doesn't care that you are too busy for the gym. It doesn't care that you ate a piece of cake because it was a birthday party. You can leave your job or even move to another country but you are stuck with your body until the end so why not treat it the healthiest way possible."

WHAT'S ON THE HORIZON FOR YOU IN 2015?
"I am looking forward to 2015. I recently gained a business partner to create the most intelligent and effective fitness programs and websites for the average person as well as athletes. He is an expert in website designs and marketing with many Hollywood connections. We can reach millions of people and create a brand with my expertise and his trust in me. We will be creating fitness videos with celebrities along with exercise programs and diets. The main goal is to change the world and become a powerful voice in the fitness industry."

                                       Happy New Year! 
The holidays are just behind us and we are moving rapidly into 2015. There’s something about a new year that makes people reflect, regroup, set new goals, give up old vices, and tackle new challenges. It’s just another day on the calendar, no different than any other, but there is something inherently powerful about January 1st. It seems to offer us a brand new start, a clean slate, another chance to do, or not do, the things that we feel need to be done... or undone as the case may be. 

This coming week we felt as though we had to talk about resolutions. Who’s making them and who’s not? What are the most common resolutions people make and how good are they at keeping them? We also touch on a few New Year's traditions that people have. Some you may be familiar with, some perhaps not. 

We invite you, as always, to join the conversation! Have you made any resolutions for the coming year? Do you think you will stick with them? Have you helped someone else achieve their goals? 
You can share your resolution successes (and failures) with us here in the comments or on our Facebook page! You can read interviews all this coming week about the ever popular, often made, sometime even kept, New Year’s resolution and more...
In the meantime, we invite you take this short poll about New Year's Resolutions.
Thank you for your continued support and Happy New year!

WAS CHRISTMAS A BIG DEAL WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP?
“It was. Don’t know if it was a “bigger” deal than it is now, but there was more excitement. There was definitely a lot more celebrating than I am able to do now.”

WHAT’S A BIGGER DEAL IN YOUR HOUSE, CHRISTMAS EVE OR CHRISTMAS DAY?
“Day. Christmas Eve is nice, but Christmas Day is a full day together.”

WAS IT THE SAME WAY WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
“Christmas Eve was always bigger to my family, but not for me. Day has always been my thing.”

DID YOU OPEN GIFTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE OR CHRISTMAS DAY?
“When I was a kid we could open a lot, most, on Christmas Eve. Now I save them all for Christmas Day.”

SO WAS THERE EVER A GIFT THAT YOU REALLY WANTED AS A KID BUT NEVER GOT? 
“Not really. I had a Godsend for a Grandpa. He always made sure I was happy.”

IF YOU COULD ASK SANTA FOR ANYTHING THIS YEAR WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? 
“Oh that’s a tough one! I really only asked for a couple of things this year. I like buying things for my son more. I'm in retail, I can always use coffee. Starbucks gift cards maybe?”

SO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST OR THE NICE LIST?
“I don't think I’ve seen the nice list since middle school."

Do you celebrate any winter holidays? 
"I grew up celebrating Kwanzaa just cause my parents were into Islam when me and my brother were born. So we did that in my early childhood up until the time my dad died. When that happen, thirty years ago yesterday, when he passed away (I was only nine years old). After that my mom kinda reverted back to Christianity but she gave me and my brother the choice of what we wanted to do. The fact that I was already used to not doing the Christmas thing or whatever, I just never really felt the need to after that." 

Did you continue celebrating Kwanzaa after that?
"Not on a consistent basis. Whenever that time of year would come, my mom would ask us, and it took a while cause by him (his dad) passing away, like a week before Kwanzaa would've started, that kind of made it hard to really get into it. We were used to doing it all together. I think I probably waited till I was a teenager before I really was ready to get into it again." 

What is the custom of Kwanzaa?
"Each day is slightly similar to Hanukkah, where you light the different candle. Kwanzaa is a seven day thing and each day has a different principle. Whatever day that principle represents, you give gifts based on that principle. And it doesn't have a be a gift all the time. It used to be that each person in your family would host a get together. But of course being a work week, what we used to do, was the day, or whatever the closest weekend was, we would have the big celebration. The elders would just sit around and tell stories about the ancestors, how they grew up. A lot of our ancestors, talking about my grandparents, were from down south, so they would just talk about why we should be thankful to have what we have. They had a more difficult life than we did, of course, being that they migrated up north. So the last day of Kwanzaa we'd celebrate with a big feast, kind of like what you would do at Thanksgiving. They always wanted to give gifts to the kids. I thought it was a cool concept. And a lot of the gifts would be hand made stuff and not necessarily something you had to go out to the store to buy. The Grandmoms or the Aunts always made stuff like cool hats and matching gloves. They'd be red, black and green; the African colors. Stuff like that. My one aunt was in ceramics, so she made all of us personalized tea mugs. Every once in a while, the aunts and uncles would buy us toys and stuff, but for the most part, they tried to stress that handmade stuff is more important. Like when we made cards for our parents when we were little. It's more valuable. I got stuff from my kids now on my refrigerator from when they were little. So, that's how we celebrated. Some people you talk to may have done it a little different but it's all based around that same concept." 

Getting to hear those stories from our ancestors is invaluable, isn't it?
"Yeah, and fortunately I still have one grandparent left. My Grandmom turned 95 in October. Still lives by herself in Germantown (a section of Philadelphia) which is right around the corner from my mom and step dad. On my days off, at least once a month, I go down there and see if she needs anything or whatever. But then just sitting down and talking to her.... her memory's starting to go a little now, but she's still strong enough that we're not putting her in a home. I mean she still lives in a three story house by herself! Same house my mom was born in. Her and my grandfather bought the house in 1955 and my mom was born in 1957. I get a lot of old stories from her." 

Do you still celebrate Kwanzaa? 
"The last time I did it was in 2005 the year before my daughter was born and my son was 5. I wanted him to at least experience it. What would happen was, the family would alternate (who hosted). My mom had it in 2003, then my aunt in 2004 and my turn was in 2005. Basically, it's supposed to rotate where you'd host it about very five years. Once it got to my house, it kind of stopped."

Why?
"You know how some families are? They'll commit to it in October but then when you try to confirm everything and find out who's bringing what....
The way I had it set up was I would cook most of the main dishes and have everyone else just bring the sides. But then people, at the last minute, just checked out. And I just got frustrated and figured I'd just do it with my immediate family since no one seemed like they were interested anymore. My daughter was born in the beginning of '06, and that whole year it was supposed to be at my aunts house. She ended up having a stroke that year, so we were focusing on her a lot. In '07 was when I moved to Glenside from Mt. Airy. I was still interested in doing it, but I think by that time it was kind of broken, so to speak. Then my kids were starting to get into that Christmas mode more than the Kwanzaa mode and I didn't wanna force it on them. Their mom grew up with Christmas so I let them do their thing, basically. This is maybe the second year there's decorations cause my daughter is really into the Christmas decorations and all that. Since we moved up here, I've kind of compromised a little bit. Mainly for the little one. My son's now 14, so he don't really care. We had a little tree last year. We do the stocking thing and all that. And I went to the stores yesterday and got some stuff my daughter had on her list." 

Do you celebrate Christmas with them?
"I guess you could say yeah, but no. My mom would always get on me cause when my son was little, I would tell him about the whole Santa Claus being a fictional thing." 

What made you decide to tell him that at a young age?
"I guess cause that's how my dad was with me and I was kind of glad he did. Growing up in the Islam faith, they don't really believe in fictional Gods. I guess it's sort of similar to Christians when they say like, "there's no God before him". They always thought the whole Santa Claus thing was like worshiping a fictional God. Plus, as hard as me and their mom worked, I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend all that money on gifts and have them thinking someone else gave them to them. (Laughter) We put in all that overtime and stuff for that! So my thing is, I let them do it but I try to teach them the real. Sometimes I get criticized for it, but I just like to tell them the truth." 

Does their mom feel the same way about the holidays as you do?
"No, she always celebrated." 

Does she get frustrated that you're not into the holiday?
"Not anymore. She's used to it by now." 

How do you celebrate Christmas Day?
"Christmas Day I'm always home. Sometimes my brother might be in town from Indianapolis. When he is, my mom always has something over her house, so we'll go over there. He'll bring his wife and daughter with him. Othe than that, I'm always home." 

What is your favorite Kwanzaa memory?
"The last Kwanzaa celebration we had when my dad was still here. It was just me, him, my mom and my brother. My paternal grandmother came over, a couple of cousins and we had a nice, big old feast. I was amongst the oldest of the cousins at that time. I was 8 and my brother was 6 and we had a couple of cousins between those ages. The grown folks were doing their thing and all the kids were doing their thing. That was the last one we had and the last one he was alive. That's my favorite one. December of '83." 

"The second one was one I had as an adult. My mom had a big Kwanzaa dinner. My brother was in town that particular year. It kind of brought back the memory of the one in '83, except we were older and my dad wasn't there. It was more people involved. When my mom married her current husband back in '93, he already had four kids so we were like a blended "Brady Bunch" kind of family. They were involved in the whole thing. It was a bigger celebration." 

This week we've been talking about the holidays. If you're kind enough to share a few moments of your holiday with us, thank you. Today, we're sharing an interview with someone who is doubly effected today. Do you have a holiday birthday? Tell us about it. And help us wish Holly a Merry (Happy) Birthday!

How is having a birthday on Christmas?
"I got cheated out of presents all my life. I would get one present, total, for my birthday and Christmas, combined. My mom and dad would get me gifts for both, but everyone else would give one gift." 

How about celebrating your birthday. Was there a separate celebration?
"Christmas Eve my family got together and sang happy birthday to me. We still do it, even though my parents have passed."

If you could give advice to people with a child that has a birthday on Christmas, what would you say?
"My mom, one time, would put numbers in a bag up to 31, and picked one out for July and we celebrated then. Make sure you celebrate. Give a birthday to them."  

What was the best gift you every received?
"A fur coat from Clover. A black rabbit coat my mom got me." 

Was that a Christmas or birthday gift?
"A birthday present. It was something I always wanted." 

Do you still have it?
"No. I was like 9. It fell apart." 

How do you feel, as an adult, about having your birthday on Christmas? 
"When you get older, it doesn't really matter anymore. As long as I'm around my family and friends, that's all that matters."

WHAT (IF ANY) HOLIDAYS DO YOU CELEBRATE THIS TOME OF YEAR?
"This time of the year, my family celebrates Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We typically end our Holiday season on January 6th, which is Three Kings Day. When we were younger, my siblings and I would put hay in front of our bedroom doors. We did this so the “Three Kings” would come and take the hay to feed their camels. In exchange for the hay, the Three Kings would leave each one of us a gift. My family did this part for years until we started to get older. As of now, we normally just have a family dinner on Three Kings Day to end the holiday season. The Christmas tree and decorations are usually up until the day after Three Kings Day."
IF AND WHEN YOU HAVE A FAMILY OF YOUR OWN DO YOU THINK YOU'LL CONTINUE THE SAME TRADITIONS?
"Absolutely! I have always loved this time of the year ever since I was a child. There is just something about it that gives me a great feeling inside. Sadly, I do not get to see other family members now as I did back then. The extended family would get together often during this time of the year with family parties. It was always a great time. I want to make sure that whenever I have a family that these traditions will be passed down. I am hoping I can bring back the spark to the holiday season with my own family."

WHAT'S THE ETHNIC MAKE UP OF YOUR FAMILY? DOES THAT ETHNICITY AND HERITAGE HAVE AN INFLUENCE DURING THE HOLIDAYS?
"The make-up of my family is mainly Puerto Rican, though we have different culture backgrounds within the extended family. We're a pretty diverse family. I'd say our Puerto Rican background does have an influence during the holidays mainly because of the spanish food we eat during them. With Three Kings Day, many Hispanics celebrate it especially if their religion is Catholic. I know many non-Hispanic Catholics that celebrate it as well,  though, it may be celebrated differently."

WHAT KIND OF SPECIAL FOOD AND DRINKS ARE ASSOCIATED WITH YOUR CELEBRATION (FOR THREE KINGS DAY)?
"We typically have spanish and american food. For the spanish side, we'll have arroz con gandules (spanish style rice w/pigeon peas), pernil (pork butt/shoulder), pasteles (similar to tameles), and coquito (puerto rican egg nog). For the american side, we'll have turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and different vegetables. It sometimes changes, but all the stuff mentioned is what we'll normally have during the holidays, including Three Kings Day."

SOUNDS YUMMY.
SO, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, APART FROM ALL THAT YUMMY FOOD, IS THE BEST GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED FOR THE HOLIDAYS?
"I can honestly say that the best gift I've ever received- and this may sound cliché- is being able to celebrate the holidays with my family every year. Celebrating with my family during holidays every year so far in my life has been a blessing because not everyone gets to do that with their own. I don't remember many of the gifts I've received when I was younger -mainly toys. Now that I'm older, I appreciate being with my family, though money, gift cards to places I like, or books (*especially on education) never hurt."

*Eddie is an Elementary Education major at Millersville University.

What holiday do you celebrate?
"Christmas." 

How did you celebrate the holiday as you were growing up? Was it always a big deal?
"The family all got together. My family's not very big. I had 3 uncles (and their wives) and a brother, my parents and my grandmother. It wasn't until I was teenager that they (the uncles) started having kids. So, we'd get together until my grandmother passed away and then I grew up, got older and moved on so it started getting a little different." 

How did it get different?
"Everybody wouldn't gather either at my mothers or my grandmothers anymore. Maybe my uncles would go to one of my other uncles house. Or two of my uncles would go to their in-laws instead. It just kind of separated out a little bit. We'd still see each other to some degree. But it wasn't the same as when I was a kid." 

Now that you've moved away (to Florida), how is Christmas different then when you lived back home?
"Well first and foremost, and it isn't like you haven't heard it before, I can wear shorts on Christmas! Let me just say that." 

Was it harder to get in the spirit of the holiday with the environment being different?
"Not for me. Christmas is still coming. Still gotta shop and decorate. And if I have to decorate outside, I'd rather do it down here where it's warmer. So if I were gonna get into it more, I wouldn't hate it as much since I'd be more comfortable. Wouldn't seem like such a chore. But we've eased up on Christmas a bit, but that's by choice. We're just getting a little older and it's not the big deal it used to be." 

How has it changed for you?
"Again, I think it's just that we've gotten older. Plus, my husband works in retail and he has Christmas crammed down his throat and he's so busy that I think he's lost a little bit of the spirit. He's wiped out from it all. I'm just older and it just isn't a big deal to me anymore. But not for any particular reason that I can pinpoint besides that." 

Your husband's family is still up here (in the Philadelphia area). How does that affect him around this time of year?
"It's a little rough for him. He gets through it ok and at least he has his grandmother down here. So he has someone, family wise, that he didn't used to get to see when he lived up north, 'cause she lived down here. So there's a little trade off that I think helps, but he definitely misses his mother and seeing her at Christmas. Absolutely." 

For you, do you think losing your own mother, plays a part in why the holiday isn't as big of a deal anymore?
"Could be. I have less family left. I guess it could play a part. I've never really thought of it that way. I've never made the assumption that because we moved, or my matriarchs are dead and he's (his husband) away from his family, that Christmas sucks. I've never really thought of it that way. It could be a combination of all of it. I may learn something during this interview with you. (Laughter)." 

Were there special traditions you had with your mom that you miss?
"A couple, and they're stupid little things. Like every Christmas Eve, and this is when I got a little bit older and we didn't go to my grandmothers anymore, people would go to my mother and step father's townhouse 'cause it was bigger. My step father would go out and pick up Chinese food every Christmas Eve and that's what we'd have for dinner. They were already cooking but they were cooking for Christmas Day. Then, of course, when we went to bed, they had to marathon wrap. It was an all day all night thing, Christmas Eve. We've done that the past three or four Christmas Eves down here, gotten Chinese food. Another thing my mom did, she'd make the Pillsbury cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. They're stupid little things, we weren't big on traditional things, but those were a couple little things we always did. I've been doing that too. As for Christmas dinner, the family always had a lasagna and a ham. But Christmas dinner is Christmas dinner. It can change up, it doesn't really matter." 

So you just started picking up those little traditions recently? 
"Yeah. There was always so much going on (before) that I didn't have time to think about those little things. 

As time goes by, and we lose those close to us, do those little things become more significant?
"Yeah, so you don't lose all of it because everything does change. There's no two ways about it. Some things can kind of stay the same but change at the same time. Like the Christmas party (referring to an annual traditional Christmas party). You have a party every year, but maybe the people that come are different. We were a small crowd in the beginning. Larger now. Some don't come to all, some have been there since the beginning. Things just change. I got tired of being upset about things changing." 

So you were, at one point, upset about things changing?
"Yeah. No one thing in particular. But as you start getting a little older and growing up, that's when things really start to change.  But people come, people go. People live, people die. You do this for years, now you don't, you do something different. And I just don't let any of that bother me cause it just takes too much energy. Sometimes I think I seem cold, and wonder if I am being heartless or selfish, cause I don't waste energy mulling over something. Can I go back? No? Then I guess it is what it is. I don't like it, and I may have a puss on my face sometimes about (it), but I'm not gonna pine over it. I can't. Even with people leaving. I can miss them, but I can't pine." 

On a lighter note, what was the best gift you ever received? 
"That's a tough one....I'm teetering between two things. I got really super excited when I got a bike (as an adult) when I lived in Asbury Park so I could ride with my friends from work, which I did for a couple of summers. I didn't expect to get one and I was surprised and shocked and thrilled to get it. The other one was when I was about 12. My mom got me these really cool sneaker skates to go to Palace (a local roller skating rink) with. They were blue and yellow striped bobo's with wheels. (Laughter). And they had blue wheels and yellow stoppers and blue and yellow stripes. They are the two coolest things I can come up with off the top of my head." 

What was the best gift you ever gave?
"I guess the karaoke machine I gave a friend. I don't know why I thought it would be so great. I thought he'd love it and I was correct. I figured this way, instead of blasting out the neighbors with George Strait, he could rattle the neighborhood with his own voice. (Laughing)."  

What holiday(s) do you celebrate?
"Hanukkah and Christmas."

Why do you celebrate both?
"Because I'm Jewish and my husband is Catholic." 

When you started dating, what was that transition like for you both?
"I'm really not that religious. Basically in the Jewish religion, you're either orthodox or liberal (reform), there's different sects. I'm basically just straight holidays. My husband's family wasn't real religious either, so we figured we'd just do everything. I learned about the Christmas holiday and his religion and he learned about mine. He also loves Jewish food so that really helped (Laughter)."

Having a child together, how have you kept the meaning of the holidays in tact?
"It wasn't bad. We do everything. She's been to a synagogue, she's been to a church. I bought her a bible, the Old Testament (and it has a little of the New Testament in it). So she learned about that. We figured she'd be exposed to everything and she can choose when she gets older what she wants to do."

Do you think she leans one way to the other?
"Not really. She hasn't really said. I think she understands now, being 14, both religions and the customs. Maybe after high school, college, who knows. At least she's been exposed and decide. You wanna just teach them the core beliefs about the bible and God." 

With the difference between the Jewish and Christian faiths, where Jesus is concerned, was there ever contention between your husband and you (or your families)?
"Not really. I mean there's always a little bit. His family, I think more, because my family...we weren't really very religious. But his father was religious. So it took him getting used to it. It's never easy. You grow up believing a certain thing and then you kind of bring something else into the mix. So it's kind of a shock kind of thing. But they got accustomed to it and they're ok with it. It's hard when you mix any kind of religion, there's gonna be some kind of problems. When I was with his family, they (still) did prayers at the table and it was ok. Just like with my family, my husband was Ok with it. You just make it work."

Neither of you were offended in any way at the first family gatherings?
"No. I mean, my mom she was more into tradition. We made it a policy that nothing real religious be given as gifts for us. Just for respect. Like the cross is a Christian symbol and the star a Jewish symbol, for example. We're neutral and didn't wanna push anything on each other. We just wanna keep it to the traditions. When we got married, we had a judge and mixed a little of the Jewish religion into it and the Christian religion into it, so it worked out well. We had a neutral wedding. When two people love each other, you just don't look at that, at religion. You just work it out. I've had friends who would only date within their faith. I've had Jewish friends that would only date Jewish people cause they figured that's who they're gonna marry."
 
Do you think they missed out on opportunities to be happy because they narrowed their choices?
"Yes I do. I think that the way the world is now, there's so much diversity, that you have to learn different things. I learned a lot and I'm glad. A lot of times, Christian people would meet at church. Same with Jewish people. You'd go to synagogue. And you're only with that groups of people, then that's who you're gonna meet and marry. But the way the world is, more evolved, there's mixed marriages. It doesn't matter what religion (or race) you are. If you love somebody, you make it work. That's what we did

So, what is the best gift you ever received?
"That's tough. A diamond heart necklace from my husband." 


How about the best gift you ever gave?
"It can be anything?" 

Yes. 
"A blue ray player for my husband." 


Why was that so exciting to give?
"Cause that's his thing. He loves movies. His hobby is movies. So he was dying to get this blue ray player. That was an awesome gift and he was really happy."

We're wrapping up our week of talking to people about life's regrets, but before we do we thought we'd share 'the best of rest'... all of the random anonymous answers and outtakes that weren't featured yet! Enjoy!

And sometimes, a theme becomes clear:
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?
"I let go of love."... "I never told the person I love how much they meant to me."... "I never got to tell someone I loved them before it was too late."... "I didn't fight hard enough for love."...

It's too late to go back and change what is done. But we can learn from what we regret and try to never make the same mistake twice.

The year is drawing to a close. The holidays are close at hand. Soon thoughts will turn to fresh starts and new beginnings. But before we look to the future, we've chosen to first look to the past. So all this week we've been busy talking to people about regrets- those feelings of disappointment, sorrow and remorse over things that have already happened or been done. And because regret can be so emotional and so personal, we offered total anonymity to everyone that we spoke to. As a result, our posts and photos may look just a little bit different than what you may have seen here before.



As always, we invite you to join the conversation... do you believe in regret or is everything in life just a lesson learned? And if you're feeling brave, you may even want to share your own story about regret. That's what the comment section is there for! What do you think of today's anonymous confessions of regret?

ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONAL
*WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?
"How I spent my free time when I became of age, as an adult, by going to certain places and spending big amounts of money." 


WHAT DID YOU SPEND IT ON/WHAT PLACES DID YOU GO?
"Strip clubs." 

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUD DONE INSTEAD?
"Just stayed away from the clubs and just focused on making more friends. Hanging out at "normal" bars or going to their houses and saving money and spending it on necessary things." 

IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE IT ALL, BUT IT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING ELSE TOO, WOULD YOU?
"Yup." 

DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM THOSE DECISIONS?
"Yes, I learned to spend lesser amounts." 

*WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?
"I had a really great opportunity to take an amazing job. I was only 23 (now 45). It was 1,800 miles away though. It probably would have been the most incredible experience of my life."

WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE JOB?
"Because of a guy. Yeah, stupid I know."

I WOULDN'T SAY "STUPID", BUT I HAVE TO ASK, WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GUY?
"We split about 6 months later. He slept with one of my best friends. It was too late to take the job. That ship had sailed."

OUCH. SO IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE IT, BUT IT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING ELSE TOO, WOULD YOU?
"Actually, no. I regret not doing it then. But, I'm happy now. I guess it worked out in the end. So far."

AND THE GUY? ANY IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
"They actually wound up getting married, him and my friend. Had 4 kids. Last I heard they had gotten a divorce. That was couple years ago. Maybe she cheated on him with one of his friends (laughing)."

ONE CAN ONLY HOPE. 

The year is drawing to a close. The holidays are close at hand. Soon thoughts will turn to fresh starts and new beginnings. But before we look to the future, we've chosen to first look to the past. So all this week we've been busy talking to people about regrets- those feelings of disappointment, sorrow and remorse over things that have already happened or been done. And because regret can be so emotional and so personal, we offered total anonymity to everyone that we spoke to. Some took us up on our offer, some did not. As a result, some of our posts and photos may look just a little bit different than what you may have seen here before.

As always, we invite you to join the conversation... do you believe in regret or is everything in life just a lesson learned? And if you're feeling brave, you may even want to share your own story about regret. That's what the comment section is there for! What do you think of today's anonymous confessions of regret?




DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?
"When I thought about that initially, I really didn't think I had any regrets. However, when I started to think about it, a couple came to my mind. I regret when I was a teenager and into my 20's that I didn't do more to help my mom. I gave her money, as far as the amount she wanted me to give her from my pay. But I spent a lot of time and that money doing things for myself; going out on dates, going out drinking, going down the shore and never really did much to help with the house as far as fixing it up, as abandoned as the house was. The house was remodeled by HUD cause it was a pigsty in the beginning since it was dilapidated, and we had no money to fix it. I could've probably done more there, so that's one of my major regrets, with my mother."
"The second is she (my mother) wasn't there to see Joe (youngest son) born and she wasn't there when I graduated college. I don't even remember if she knew that I got into college. Being one of five kids, three never graduating high school, me and my one brother did graduate high school. I finally got to college for the grace of hard work and the opportunity I had at Cigna (employer). She never saw that.
My belief is she's really here. She sees it. She knows what's going on. Physically not being able to be there....that's a larger regret. It's a closed door. She had time with John ( older son). But not to have the opportunity to see my youngest? That's a permanent loss."